I wrote a romantic Christmas movie
I’ve seen dozens of romantic Christmas movies, you know, the ones on Netflix and the Hallmark Channel. I could pawn it off on Emily, but I’d be lying. I kinda can’t stop.
Instead of addressing the artistic travesty here, I’ve decided to write my own. I hope you’re swept off your feet:
A Necklace for Christmas
Stock footage of the New York skyline.
Title: "A Necklace for Christmas" in Times New Roman font.
Our story begins in the offices of the hippest magazine in the world: The Scene Zine.
Noel, a junior journalist, is sitting with her flamboyant best friend, talking about a story she's chasing: The long-lost Christmas Necklace of Love at First Sight. It was made for Diana Christmas by her famous blacksmith husband. Together, they ran the Holly Grove Inn until Diana died last year. There's a legend that if you give someone the necklace before midnight on Christmas Eve, you'll fall in love forever.
Noel hates Christmas (and love) because her boyfriend dumped her last Christmas Eve. Now she's out to prove how silly Christmas and true love are. What better way than to expose the lie of this silly necklace! And if the story goes well, she'll become a Senior Journalist! Her flamboyant best friend chides her for being a workaholic.
She hatches a plan to go undercover with the Christmas family to find out what happened to the Christmas Necklace of Love at First Sight. Also, her dad doesn't believe in her journalism career.
Cooper Christmas is a young, beautiful man who could be a model or host an HGTV show, but he runs the Holly Grove Inn instead with his aging father after his mother passed.
Things aren't going well for the Holly Grove Inn. They're up to their jingle bells in debt, and they may have to sell to Rupert McDonald, who wants to turn it into a ski slope.
Cooper hopes if he can find the Christmas Necklace of Love at First Sight, the legend will draw tourists and save the Inn. But his dad won't talk about it since Diana died. Also, his dad's hands got mauled by a wolf; he only has thumbs. He hasn't blacksmithed in years.
Noel enters the lobby of the Holly Grove Inn just as Cooper is hanging lights. A cute Christmas kid who says funny catchphrases distracts him with some Christmas cookies; the lights fall, and she gets spun up in them. Cooper laughs and pulls on the end, spinning her around and round. She falls into his arms until they come face to face. They share a long look. Then, the Christmas kid says his catchphrase.
Noel gives Cooper a fake identity and says she's just here to stay at the Inn because she loves Christmas and her family came here when she was a kid.
Cooper can't talk long. He has to bake gingerbread cookies for the Home for Orphans Who Don't Have Parents. She agrees to help. He teaches her how to put the icing on the cookies. He puts his hands over hers, and they have a moment. The Christmas kid throws powdered sugar on them, and they all laugh and call him a rascal.
Afterward, his dad, Mr. Christmas, brings them hot cocoa on a tray balanced on his thumbs, and he says hot cocoa 10,317 times. He swoons over memories of his wife, Diana Christmas. Dad talks about how much they reminded him of himself and Diana Christmas when they were young. Cooper and Noel laugh it off. As they walk away, the camera lingers on Mr. Christmas. He smiles, and the soundtrack plays some magical Christmas chimes.
Some sweet old Lady, we'll call her the Old Widow Johnson, doesn't have a Christmas tree, and it's THE DAY BEFORE CHRISTMAS! And though he has a lot to do at the Inn, Cooper agrees to cut one down for her. Cooper, Noel, and the cute catchphrase kid take the one-horse open sleigh (because suddenly there are inches of snow on the ground) to the woods to chop down a tree. Noel slips in the snow, causing Cooper to fall; they fall into each other's arms and linger there.
But the Christmas catchphrase kid has wandered out onto the frozen pond! Noel shouts for Cooper and stands helplessly while Cooper coaxes the kid back to safety. Cooper and Noel look deeply into each other's eyes as she definitely thinks he's dad material.
They decorate the tree with Old Widow Johnson. There's an ornament of a Nutcracker that reminds her of her mother. She starts to believe in Christmas as the cute catchphrase kid sings "The First Noel."
Later, she talks with her flamboyant best friend. He says she's starting to believe, but she deflects and is adamant she's just here for the story. But we know it's not true!
Meanwhile, Cooper sees a text on her phone from her editor about her investigation. He confronts her. She can't lie to him. She's been lying to them about her love of Christmas all along. She's just here for the story. But we know, after the scene of her crying in her hotel room over her packed bags, that she really believed in Christmas. The cute catchphrase kid, Old Widow Johnson, and Mr. Christmas cry as she leaves the Holly Grove Inn.
Cooper is at the bar drinking hot cocoa when his dad shows up and gives him a speech about how Diana Christmas taught him the meaning of Christmas one cold, snowy night. And he just knew she was the one. Mr. Christmas can't explain how; it was just a Christmas miracle in his heart. That night, he gave her a necklace and kissed her at midnight. "This necklace, actually, " he pulls it out of a Christmas tree's boughs. That's right, Dad has had the Christmas Necklace of Love at First Sight all along. He gives it to his son with a wink. "I know a Christmas miracle in a heart when I see one. Go get her."
Noel's company has decided to throw a Christmas ball for no reason whatsoever. She wasn't going to go, but her flamboyant friend insisted.
Cooper races in just before midnight. Right as he sees Noel, snow begins falling. He knows: she's the real Christmas miracle for him. He runs up to her, and before she can explain anything, he puts the necklace on her and kisses her. We hear a cheap cover of “Angels We Have Heard on High” (but with the lyrics changed, so it doesn't mention Jesus).
Noel quits her journalist job and writes a book called A Necklace for Christmas; her dad is so proud. The book is a huge hit; everyone wants to experience where it happened. So they go to the Holly Grove Inn, which is more than saved.
The whole cast sits in the lobby of the Holly Grove Inn. Old Widow Johnson smiles, the Christmas kid says his catchphrase, and Cooper's dad, now revealed to be Santa Clause, gives two thumbs up.
The End
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Hilarious!
Absolutely love it!