Happy Father's Day

AI drew this. Does he look like me? I need a blue sweater don’t I?

Happy Father's Day.

I never thought I'd be one. It's nothing against kids, I just never thought I wanted to have my own.

I found out I was going to be a father in a Target while looking for a wall mount for a TV last August. My phone rang as I walked in and was blasted by the sweet, sweet gift of Jesus that is air conditioning.

There's a lady in a red Target shirt greeting, and I nodded, thanking my phone ringing as a reason not to interact. It's my wife calling:

"Are you almost home?"

"I just got to Target. Why? What's up?"

"I just have something I need to process with you." Her voice was shaking slightly.

My wife and I are heavy feelers. We feel everything. This is why we don’t watch movies about dogs. We also have a deal in place that if one of us is spiraling down, down down in the feels, the other can't.

I went into emotional anchor mode. "Okay. Well, what's going on? You okay?"

"Will you be home soon?"

"Well, I'm at Target getting the stand, and I'm still 15 minutes away."

"Oh. Okay… well."

"Well, just talk to me."

"Okay ... I think I'm pregnant."

"Okay …" I stretched out the “OK” for 14 seconds because my mouth was hitting the floor in the toothpaste aisle.

“Are you sure?”

This was not our idea. We were not “trying” and at our last anniversary dinner had discussed whether we wanted our own kids or not.

"Yeah ... I took a test, and Shelly (our cousin) said they're never wrong."

A wave of joy swept from the top of my head to my toes. Something in the deepest part of the soup of my soul exploded.

My wife heard sniffles from the other end of the phone. I don't remember what I said next, but my wife told me later that me being so excited calmed her down, even helped her be excited.

"The second blue line was very faint. But Shelley said it doesn't matter. 'Girl, you're pregnant.'"

We were laughing together. "I can't believe it. I'm so happy!"

“You’re going to be the best dad.”

A few weeks before this, as part of a small group exercise, we were asked to write down titles we'd been given as men over the course of our lives from others and from ourselves. I wrote down everything from “artist” to “lazy” to “pariah” to “abject failure.”

Next we wrote down titles we wanted to have: I wrote “father” and wept.

I never thought I'd be one. But now I know I've always wanted to.

Happy Father's Day.